Advice

Yesterday, I was approached with the news that I may be losing one of the children in my care.  I felt every emotion you can possibly imagine and I immediately called one of my closest friends.  This friend always looks at a situation like I normally do – from every possible angle.  She allows me the four phone calls it takes to talk out everything.  Then, she even allows me to call the next day and keep talking.  Now, that’s a great friend.  I don’t always take her exact advice but, she always validates my feelings.  In Psalms 32:8 it is written, “The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you”.” When we seek advice from others and from God, are we willing to hear their answers?  I have another friend that will tell it like it is.  She tells me the hard truths and doesn’t always read through my venting.  Sometimes I just need to let it all out; I don’t need a solution.  I need someone to sit back and say, “I hear you”.  Of course, I’m guilty of always offering solutions.  I’m not the greatest listener but, I’m working on it. It’s funny to me that I just realized, God always does exactly that.  Sometimes through prayer you figure out what God is trying to tell you, sometimes you don’t.  Sometimes the last thing you want to happen actually occurs, and the warning you were given just doesn’t seem long enough.  While talking to my husband about including this situation in our prayers, he mentioned that maybe if this spot becomes free, God is actually answering someone else’s prayers.  Ah, advice.  Sometimes you ask for it, sometimes people just give it, and ultimately the wisdom of others helps you make the right choice.  Today, I will end with this prayer. 

Lord, give me the patience to wait for your advice.  Open my ears and my heart so that I may accept any words you have to say to me; either directly or through others.  Allow me to continue walking on the best pathway that you have chosen for me.  May I always be looking forward at the light you shine in this world.  Thank you for sending your disciples to guide me and teach me.  Your will be done. Amen.

Written on April 27, 2011

Consistency

Over the past two years, my husband and I have been using a budget written for the calendar month.  That worked quite well when my previous job paid me only once a month. My husband has always been paid bi-weekly and twice a year he had an “extra” check.  I’ve heard advice from several people about using the “extra” check for things other than regular bills.  I’ve struggled with wrapping my head around how to use a zero-based budget consistently in this particular situation.  We had once used a 4-week zero-based budget but, it requires a lot of planning.  Now that I’m paid weekly, we are back again to a 4-week zero-based budget. It has taken some time to plan the transition. However, we are looking forward to having some consistency in our spending, especially in groceries.  Even though I’ve been nicknamed the “budget queen”, I still work hard to ensure that the needs of my family are adequately covered.  I remind myself that budgets must be changed as your work situation fluctuates, as your needs change, and when you discover new personal financial goals. Be flexible in your planning but, be consistent in your actions!

The Greatest Commandment

     
Today on Good Friday, many of us are acknowledging the resolve of the Lord to make his holy presence known to all.  I have acknowledged his presence in many ways and have seen the powerful ways he’s impacted people’s lives, without them even recognizing him.  We, as a society, are eager to have more, do more, and be more; thus, our impatience hinders our ability to see the amazing ways God is present in our lives.  Of course the Lord wants us to plan; but, he expects to be the writer of the plan.  If we look at our lives and make a list of what we want to accomplish, we should never put a deadline on it.  I was watching a television show where one of the characters was turning 30 years old and was reviewing a list of things he had hoped to do by that age.  He had written the list when he was 15 years old and some of the items were certainly from the mind of a young person with a positive outlook on life’s possibilities.  The accomplishments he had hoped to have checked off included: riding a wave and beating a video game in one sitting.  Many of those things on the list he had done or could easily do in a day.  However, what he was truly concerned about was that, at the age of 30, he was now a decorated war veteran and divorcee that would never find his true love. 

Love is the greatest commandment that God has given us; to love him with all our heart, with all our strength, and all our soul. Secondly, we are to love our neighbors as ourselves.  Then, as he has written it, and showed it time and time again throughout history, why are we so convinced that we will never find true love?  It is already in front of us! God loves us in a way that no one else ever will, even ourselves.  If we start there, returning to the one who loves us unconditionally, we may begin to wait patiently on the rest of the pieces of our life.  In his love, he has given us what we need.  It is our inability to accept the love that he has offered that leads us to feelings of hopelessness, despair, loneliness, anger, greed, and hatred. We have become disgusted with the turmoil around us and in our own lives; to the point we reject the good things that come our way.  However, even in the depths of despair, he has sent his disciples to reach out and share that love.

I’m not referring to biblical disciples.  I’m referring to modern times, the people that we meet who have taken the time and effort to treat us in a caring, loving way.  I look back at the opportunities I have been given to share his love and I’m in awe.  I did not begin to feel love until, I accepted the complete unconditional love, and then passed that along to every person I met.  I began to see past the exterior and recognized the need displaying itself in others’ behavior, eyes, and words.  The most powerful response given is love.

 If we were to meet the Lord right now, I believe his first question would be, “do you love me?” A question so simple but, yet so complicated.  How many times have we been asked this same question by a person we were in a relationship with?  My two-year old daughter asked me this question a few days ago.  Without hesitation, I answered “yes”. Without hesitation, I answer “yes” to my Lord.  “Why then,” God may ask you, “do you not fully trust me?”  It is easy enough to say we believe but, to show we believe takes another leap of faith. When we have showed love to others along the way, it doesn’t matter if we have failed to accomplish our goals. The result, with God’s love living in us, is that we have accomplished his goals. If I could have held the hand of the man who was about to turn 30 and facing his lack of accomplishments, I would remind him that he has had and will always have God’s love.  He simply must be willing to accept it in its’ pure form with the faith of the things yet to come.  With each question we have we ask God and we will find the answers are written from love.  To understand and share those answers grows out of our love for him, for his word, and for his plan. 

The Greatest Commandment   -  Matthew 22:37-39  - Jesus replied, "You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"

The gift of sacrifice

As we are nearing Easter weekend, my thoughts are filled with the gift of sacrifice that God made with the death of Jesus on the cross.  Eternal life with him is such an amazing gift that it is difficult to wrap my thoughts completely around this concept.  It led me to think about how we sacrifice to remove the sin of debt from our lives.  I was talking with a friend that has worked very hard to get himself and his family out of debt.  They have been successful and are now working towards building wealth.  His family has sacrificed several luxuries along the way but, he will undoubtedly tell you it was worth it.  I continued to caution him about going too far with sacrificing the luxuries.  In Ecclesiastes 3:12-13 it is written, “I have concluded that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to enjoy themselves as long as they live, and also that everyone should eat and drink, and find enjoyment in all his toil, for these things are a gift from God”.  When we work hard, are good stewards of our resources, have paid our debtors, and give back to God what is his; then, he expects us to enjoy ourselves.  If you don’t allow yourself a little splurging every once in a while; you are more likely to fall into bad habits with your spending.  Keep your focus on God and the gifts he has given us.  He meant for us to enjoy what he has blessed us with; as long as we keep him first in our lives!

The gift of a birthday

            Yesterday, while attending a birthday party for a 3-year old, I had the privilege of talking with the girl’s great-grandmother.  Her observations about gifts really made me think about the shift in society from the thought of giving a gift itself, to giving themed gifts. As the little girl was pulling princess clothes and accessories from the bags, the great-grandmother commented on how elaborate the gifts were these days.  She mentioned that when she was a child there were only a few gifts and they were usually hand-made.  The time and thought required to create a gift probably meant far more to the child than the princess tiara that was simply grabbed off a store shelf and tossed into a shopping cart.  Without a second thought, I responded to her with a comment about how the perception of gifts is a strong indicator of debt acceptance.  Her generation didn’t believe in going into debt for anything other than a home.  The focus was on life itself, not on the material things. It was a mindset that you worked for everything you had and if you wanted more, you worked harder.  It’s a pretty simple concept that has been lost along the wayside as parents want to show their children how much they can give them.  Perhaps psychologically, parents are making up for the long hours of work and super busy schedules. 

At some point, we must have realized that a theme makes it easier for people to choose the “right” gifts.  This idea of the “right” gift makes me chuckle.  Are we afraid that if the child doesn’t like it, we will offend the parent? How about a lesson for our child in gratefulness?  It concerns me that we are so pressed for time and short on energy that we have allowed our creativity be put on hold. Instead, we have allowed the world to hold our attention in a very unhealthy way.  I am coming around to the mindset that a celebration of a birthday should be about friends and family; honoring the life of the child, and for that reason there is no need for a theme. A theme may be a way to show that we are better organized but, most children (especially under the age of 5), don’t even care about the plates and decorations being a certain way.  The presence of food, people, games, and cake is all they care about!  It’s not what they see, it’s what they do! This week, as we celebrate my husband’s birthday, I will teach my children that a birthday is a day to honor that person, not things.

Fishing for Taxes

      When I was growing up, I don't remember my parents mentioning much about taxes. The first time I filed taxes, I was 16 years old.  I had earned enough to meet the requirements to file.  I was so excited to be a tax-paying citizen.  Now, 20 years later, I'm not as excited.  We are still waiting on our state tax refund due to a missing form.  Trying to call them to verify that they have received this form is a nightmare!  They don't accept your call if there are too many people calling.  The answering service says that this is to ensure that when you get through, you do not have long wait times. However, we haven't been able to get through in a week.  Oh well, at least we filed.  I was thinking of a verse where Jesus tells people that they must pay unto Caesar what is Caesar's and pay unto God what is God's.  I was trying to find the specific verse and came across another passage where Jesus paid the temple tax (Matthew 17:24-27).  In this passage he instructs Simon to cast a hook in the sea and the first fish he catches will have money in its mouth.  He instructs Simon to then give that money to the temple for their tax. 
      Imagine that Peter and Jesus are standing around talking and then tax collectors come up to Peter and asked if Jesus was going to pay temple tax.  Peter replies "yes" but, then hesitates because he wasn't sure how or if he should be exempt because he was Lord.  I can imagine the moment of anxiety that Peter felt when he was unsure if he had replied wrongly.  Would he have been responsible for paying Jesus' tax? Then, sitting in a house, Jesus tells Peter to go fishing.  I'm sure it was nothing like today but, I can only imagine Peter getting up and making his way to the water.  He would grab his pole; cast the line, and then TADA!!! Here is a fish on the hook and low and behold, there is money in its mouth.  Can you see other fishermen becoming instantly annoyed as this man simply cast his line and catches a fish without any hesitation?  If I know anything about fishing is that catching a fish takes patience and strategy.  Anyway, so then, did he take the money out and throw the fish back?  Gives a whole new perspective to catch and release.  Then, Peter walked back to the house where Jesus and the tax collectors were, and gave them their money.  Who knew a sea could be an ATM!!! 
         I suppose that on this day, tax day, we should delay our duty no longer, and pay the collectors.  It is owed to them, just as we owe God for his blessings on our life.  As we patiently await our refund, I must remind myself that the money we are waiting on will not save us from drowning in a sea of debt.  Therefore, may my day be filled with gladness and appreciation for what God has given me!

The debt fear of a child

        Like a monster that has awakened a child from slumber, your debt is tearing your family apart! How long before we realize that our debt not only affects our future but, also the future of our children?  In this, we are not speaking of an inheritance.  I'm talking about fear that lives deep within us and keeps us gently holding the hand of false security.  I have a friend that mentioned the debt of her parents kept her family from being able to answer the phone.  The bill collectors would call and harass her parents to the point that the fear captured their family and held it hostage.  The worry carried as a burden on her when she was a child was unbearable.  Now, as an adult, she works as much as possible to get out of debt. 
          I remember sitting at work with another friend as she glanced at the unceasing efforts of bill collectors to reach her.  The fear of admitting that she had nothing weighed so heavily on her heart, that she couldn't bear to talk to the people on the other end of the line.  These collectors are taught to push your buttons, play on your emotions, and get you to agree to anything that will get them their money.  I get calls all the time from collectors looking for a man that has the same first and last name as my husband.  They are relentless and don't always believe that they have the wrong number. 
          There are two specific feelings I have about this type of situation. First, I'm saddened by the fear we hold so tightly to ourselves. For whatever reason, we refuse to let that fear go and lay on God's shoulders.  I counted 63 times from one of my concordances that God says to his people, "FEAR NOT!".   This phrase is followed by reminders that our Lord is always with us.  Next time your phone rings and you think it may be a bill collector, FEAR NOT, and tell them that God is with you.  If they want to speak to you they must be respectful or you will hang up.  If they become rude or raise their voice, HANG UP!!! Tell them you are working on a plan and will try to pay them what you can, when you can.  Tell them you are aware of your debt and intend to pay your debtors as God has instructed you to do so.  However, you are not afraid of them or anyone else.  Your life will not end if you tell them you don't have the money.  They can't jump through the phone and get you. They won't jump out of your closet when you are sleeping. 
         My second feeling on this is, to be perfectly honest; it's their job to call you out on being late on your payments! Stop acting like a child and face the consequences.  Make an arrangement you can live with.  Even if it is not what they want, tell them what you can give them this month.  Tell them that they may call you back in three weeks to find out how much they will receive for the next month.  Tell them that if they call you more than that, it is harassment and you will not accept the call.  Remember, you made the bed. Now sit up, straighten up your covers, grab your bible, and ask God to help you write a plan.  Don't just give up, that's the fear that Satan lives for!
     Don't let fear run your life, your children's lives, your spouses' life, or your parents' lives.  We are only here on this earth for a short time.  God has control! FEAR NOT!

Convenient messages

As I was chatting away with a friend and later with my mother, we were discussing the topic of teaching at a time of convenience for people with small children. I am debating about having an FPU class in my home on Saturday mornings to accommodate my friends with busy weekday schedules.  Also, we all have small children that don't do well with others after 7pm.  We affectionately refer to it as the "toddler witching hour".  My mother referred me to the passage in 2 Timothy 4:2 that reads, "Preach the message, be ready whether it is convenient or not, reprove, rebuke, exhort with complete patience and instruction".   It reminds me of my teacher training and the instruction that was reiterated; take advantage of teachable moments.  Any way you can, you should be looking for the opportunity to help a child grow in the foundations of knowledge.  God's desire is no different for us! At every moment, we should be taking advantage of an opportunity to learn and teach about his plans for us.  This is exhausting but, rewarding in a way that is indescribable.  We help a child learn to read, God helps us to understand how to teach, and we help a friend find their righteous path.  It doesn't get any better than that.

My Presidential Friends

I'd like to talk about how quickly some  friends pass in and out of our lives: Washington, Lincoln, Hamilton, Jackson, Franklin, etc. It's different when you hold cash in your hands to purchase things you want and need. A close friend of mine shared her story this week about paying cash for groceries.  She said it made a difference in how much she thought about the total.  Instead of swiping a card, and casually mentioning how much she spent when she returned home from the store, she had to repeat the total.  The physical act of looking at the bills and counting the cash made her acutely aware of how much she spent. I chuckled because I always calculate the approximate total of my items cost as I shop.  Apparently, that is a rare phenomenon.  I've always shopped that way and I consider it a sort of game to see how close my rough estimate is to the exact total.  I can honestly say, that I'm usually within two dollars.  I've had to put things back before.  It is not embarrassing, it's smart shopping! At what point in our society did we go from "pride in swiping the card to buy it all", to "pride in showing we can make smart and healthy choices"? It's amazing how much difference it makes when you take cash to the store instead of your card.  Today, I will glance at my friends, Jackson and Lincoln, and remind myself how precious they are to me.  They don't mean the world, they aren't true friends, but, they are precious in their own right.  I worked hard for them to be here and for that, I will cherish their value.

Walk a mile in my shoes

A friend sent me a text yesterday asking if my husband might have a pair of shoes that a teenage boy could borrow for the prom.  Instantly, I said that if we could find them, he could borrow them.  Now, I have no idea who this young man is and giving a pair of shoes that you hope to wear again is a leap of faith.  I was watching an episode of Secret Millionaire a few weeks ago and a businessman was passing out clothes and toiletries to homeless people on skid row.  An older man walked by the van with excrement on his shoes.  Disgusted and determined, the businessman asked the older man what size shoe he wore.  Without hesitation, the businessman took off his own shoes and gave them to the older man!!! Wow! He was so selfless and I hesitated about allowing this young man borrow my husband's dress shoes that have been in the closet for ages, worn only four times in the past year.  Can I be more like the businessman and take off my own shoes for someone with an immediate need?  What am I holding on to that could meet someones needs today?  I have a friend that posted a picture on facebook of his feet because he was going a day without any shoes.  What an experience that must have been! Today, I will be thinking about how a necessity can be considered a luxury for those who have very little.  As my dad always used to tell me, "walk a mile in their shoes before you pass judgement!"